I fucking hate myself..
I wish I loved myself. I really do. And I’m not just one of those girls that go around saying stuff like this just for attention. I couldn’t care less if I have people’s attention or not. I also don’t care if they agree with me or not. I mostly quite honestly just hate my weight. And the hate consumes me. It’s basically all I think about all the time. And it’s not healthy to constantly think about how you don’t like yourself. And I hate it. It’s truly miserable. Yea, I get what all the people say about how you should love yourself the way you are and that you should be happy with yourself. And I agree. I encourage everybody to love themselves. I’m just terrible at practicing that myself.. I can’t help it. It’s like any time I see a skinny girl I instantly start hating myself, wishing I looked like her, regret the last thing I ate, decide not to eat my next meal.. I feel like I’d be so much happier in general if I was happy with my body. I don’t even want to be that crazy boney skinny that so many girls aim for these days. I just don’t want any fat. I want to be slim and trim. I want to not feel like a huge fucking whale and hate myself if I eat anything. And I don’t just have these feelings for myself. They’re for my boyfriend too. I mean he tells me all the time that I’m beautiful and yells at me whenever I call myself fat and/or try not to eat. And I appreciate that.. I just don’t agree with him. I think he deserves something better than this. I think he deserves a girl with a fucking sexy body. And I want to be able to give that to him. I just want to be perfect.. And I know that nobody is ever perfect. I would just be content and happy if I had a body that I was comfortable in and felt beautiful having….